Celebratory Matters
by ifyoucanfindmeimhere
Summary: "He wasn't sure whether to congratulate her, or extend his apologies." Written for isolith for the gift exchange at majorcrimes.


He watched her throughout the meeting, trying to figure out what was going on. It was almost imperceptible; she was a master at hiding her emotion, and today was no exception. But after almost two years, he had become almost as much of a master at reading her, and something was definitely up.

Provenza droned on in the chair next to him, gesticulating wildly about Chief Taylor's latest and greatest idea, and Andy turned to look at Tao and Sykes sitting at the table in the corner, trying to see if they too had noticed anything odd, but they were simply listening quietly, waiting for Provenza to tire out. Behind them, Sanchez was leaning up against the closed door, and next to him in a chair he had dragged in from the murder room was Buzz, looking resigned about the whole thing.

Andy turned his attention back to Sharon, just in time to see it again. She was sitting behind her desk, listening to Provenza when she tightened her jaw as she glanced to a blue file sitting on the corner of her desk. That was the fourth time since this little impromptu meeting had started ten minutes ago that he'd seen her do that. He tried to lean forward inconspicuously to try and get a better look at the file, but he couldn't get the right angle on it. But from what he could tell, it didn't look like any of the files that tended to make their way around these parts.

She tore her eyes away from the file and focused back on Provenza, face impassive. That was her other tell. Usually when Provenza went on any kind of a tear, and especially when he got as worked up about a perceived injustice or slight as he was right now, she'd take him seriously, but her eyes would hold just a hint of emotion. In the beginning, it was usually just the barest hint of hurt or indignance, hidden away under a practiced, steely glare. More recently, her eyes would hold a touch of mirth as he talked himself until he was red in the face; never enough for Provenza to feel like she wasn't taking him seriously, but enough for Flynn to see that his grumpy old partner had certainly grown on her.

Today though, there was nothing under the steely mask. No flare of annoyance or amusement. The lack of almost-hidden emotion was what concerned him. If there had been another threatening letter, surely the squad would have heard about it by now. He supposed it could be an issue with Emma, or something else regarding the kid, but again, he couldn't imagine not knowing about it. After all, despite just how unorthodox the situation was between Sharon, Rusty and the rest of the squad, no one questioned how much the young man had come to mean to all of them. He might be her foster son, but Flynn felt, and he knew for a fact Provenza felt the same, and probably the others as well, that they were all the kids extended family.

"Flynn!" He was shook out of his thoughts by a sharp slap to his arm. "Are you even listening to me? You were just as pissed off about Taylor's memo as I was this morning, now you've got nothing to say?"

"Uh…" Flynn stammered for a moment, trying stall as he tried to remember just what his partner had been saying. "I, um, I think you covered everything… and I totally agree." He finished up lamely, and Provenza gave him a dirty look before turning back to Sharon and opening his mouth.

"Gentlemen-" Sharon cut him off before he could start again. "And ladies," she gave a tight smile towards Sykes. "I understand your position, and I share your outrage. I agree that all the members of this squad do quite enough overtime and weekend work that goes unpaid to be required to put in an additional day a month to cover the staffing problems in other departments."

Provenza grunted his agreement. Tao let out an enthusiastic "here, here!" which caused Amy to smirk.

"To that end, I will be bringing up the issue with Taylor at our next scheduled meeting. Believe me, I don't want to give up another day off any more than the rest of you." She gave a tight smile, and took a second to meet each of her officer's eyes, landing on his last. He could see the effort behind the smile, the way it didn't reach her eyes. Before he could examine it any more closely, she turned away.

"Anyway, if there isn't anything else, I think we all have plenty of paperwork from the last case to wrap up, otherwise we won't need Taylor to assign us weekend work, because we'll be stuck here anyway." Her tone was light, teasing, but it still felt flat to his ears. Even so, he got up with everyone else, and as they grumbled about the never-ending paperwork he watched her as he edged towards the door. Her gaze had found the blue folder again, and this time wasn't wavering.

The others filed out, and he followed slowly, stopping only as he was halfway out the door to watch her for another moment. She must have felt his eyes on her, because before he could turn to walk out, she lifted her gaze and gave him a questioning look. "Was there something else, Lieutenant?"

He shook his head. "No… I mean, yes, but not me, I was…" he stumbled over his words, and frowned at his own verbal clumsiness. Taking a breath, he stepped back into her office fully, pulling the door closed behind him. "I just wanted to make sure everything's okay. You seem a little off?" He cringed as he said it, regretting how it came out as soon as it did.

Thankfully, instead of biting his head off, she just shook her head. "Thank you for your concern, Lieutenant, but I'm fine." She looked towards the file again, then seemed to catch herself and returned her gaze to him. "I'm fine," she repeated, a little more firmly this time.

He frowned, even less convinced than he had been before. "Are you sure? It just seems like you have something on your mind. Is everything okay with the kid? Has Rios been causing trouble or-"

She shook her head. "Rusty is fine, and Emma has been blissfully absent thus far this week. Now, if there is nothing else, I think there is an incident report on your desk that still needs filing out, Lieutenant."

He winced again at her use of his rank. Chagrined, he nodded solemnly. "I'll get right on that, Captain." He said the last work a little more sharply than necessary, and turned towards the door to leave.

"Andy." Her voice was softer, and it stopped him in his tracks. He turned back to look at her, trying to make sure she had actually said something. She gestured to the chair he had just vacated, and he stepped back towards it and took a seat before she could change her mind again.

"What's up, Sharon? Is there anything I can help with?"

She was silent for a long moment, then sighed and reached over to the corner of the desk, retrieving the blue file. Bringing it back in front of her, she hesitated for a moment before handing it across the desk to him. He took it hesitantly; at once nervous at what could be inside, a little guilty at prying, and insanely curious.

She picked up on his reluctance, and gave him a little wave with her hand. "Go ahead and look." She sighed again and leaned back in the chair, shoulders slumping as she let out a long breath.

He nodded, and then opened the file. Reading the first few lines, he stopped and glanced at her again, then glued his eyes back to the page as he kept reading. Whatever he had been expecting, this was certainly not it. Not wanting to pry further, he closed the file and looked back at her. She had turned slightly in the chair to face the wall at her right, and her gaze seemed focused on nothing in particular.

"Um….," he wasn't sure whether to congratulate her, or extend his apologies. Luckily, she saved him from having to go further.

"It was time," she said, her voice softer and lower than usual. She turned to face him, another one of her forced smiles on her face. "After his visit this summer, I realized that the status quo wasn't working anymore." She scoffed. "Actually, I don't think it ever did, but I never wanted to admit that to myself."

She looked off again, towards the squad room, and seemed to be gathering her thoughts. Flynn said nothing, hoping she'd elaborate a little more, give him a little bit more insight into the private life she still kept as separate from her work as she could.

She was silent for several moments, and he had just about given up getting any more out of her when she turned to him again. This time the smile on her face was soft, but genuine. "You know, if it wasn't for you all, I doubt this would be happening." She gestured towards the file he had set back on her desk.

He shrugged. "I don't follow. What does Major Crimes have to do with your marriage?"

"Not just Major Crimes. But you guys." She gestured towards the squad room through the office blinds. "You, and Mike, and Buzz and Amy and Julio, Rusty and maybe even Lieutenant Provenza. But just a little bit."

He rolled his eyes at that. The animosity between the two of them was water that was way under the bridge, though both enjoyed pretending that it wasn't.

"It's just, before last summer, it never seemed like it was worth the trouble to change anything after so many years. My marriage, my position in FID… I never really questioned that neither of those things would ever change unless I wanted them to. And I really didn't. I was comfortable. Content even." She gave a soft laugh, and looked at him again.

"Then I got transferred to Major Crimes, and Rusty showed up, and I realized that maybe there was something to be said for change."

Flynn felt his face cloud, thinking of the letters and the threats against her and the kid. "Even if that change has put you in danger?"

She didn't even take a second to consider the question. "Absolutely."

He didn't seem convinced. "Well, that's good, I guess."

She hummed an affirmative. "It is. And it has made me realize that there are other parts of my life that could use some changing as well. It's easy to forget about Jack when he's not around. I have 25 years of practice doing that. But Jack's talent is showing up out of the blue, and making me remember the little things that made me want to be with him in the first place. But he can't keep it up for long." She gave him a resigned look. "And I can handle that. But Rusty got attached, and Jack left, and it hurt him."

"You shouldn't have to handle that either, Sharon. I know Jack's type. Hell, I used to be just like him. Just thinking of himself and what he wants, and not worrying about anyone he hurts along the way. Why should you keep putting up with that?"

She cocked her head slightly, and looked at him, and the green of her eyes seemed to pierce right through him, but her face was soft. He thought he saw a slight glisten in the corner of her eye, and he immediately regretted speaking up. He started to apologize, and uncrossed his legs to make a hasty exit but she stopped him, leaning across the desk to place her hand over his.

"You know, you are the other reason that I decided this was the right thing to do. It's because of you."

He blanched and stuttered. "Me? What did I-"

She smiled again, amused by his reaction. Andy wondered if he had entered some sort of twilight zone with this conversation. He shook his head and laughed her off with a snort, gesturing to the murder room behind him. "You mean, the squad."

She squeezed his hand again before withdrawing back to her side of the desk. "No, I mean you."

"I still don't understand."

"Well," She gave him a bashful smile, and felt her cheeks flush a touch at the revelation. "As I recall, you and Jack used to be friends."

He frowned. "I wouldn't call it friends so much, it was more just-"

"Drinking buddies," she finished for him.

"Yeah." He hung his head, recalling how Jack Raydor would turn up in the dumpy cop bars frequently, and how they'd both talk about needing to get home to their wives and kids, only to find themselves equally shitfaced when last call rolled around.

"Andy, it's okay." She got up from behind the desk, and came to sit in the chair next to him. "You see, that's the difference. Jackson, he stopped drinking, but then he found the horse racing and the betting and the casinos. From the time the kids started school to when they went off to college, I don't think they saw their father more than a few days at a time, with weeks or months in between. And since the kids grew up? Forget it. " She spit out a short laugh like it tasted bad. "He hasn't bothered to call them or send a card on their birthdays or holidays in years."

Flynn nodded. "Rusty mentioned something about that."

Sharon shook her head. "I had to bribe him with a place to stay just so he would call and talk to them."

"They probably don't want to talk to him either," he added quietly.

She frowned. "No, they don't. But they need to. Just like your kids need to talk to you. And that's the difference, Andy. You're trying to make amends with your kids. You want to be there for them. You have changed, and you are trying to be the father they deserve."

"They don't see it that way." It was his turn to look away now, uncomfortable with the discussion. He'd had similar conversations with the therapist he'd been seeing, but talking it over with her seemed entirely too personal.

"Andy." He felt her place her hand on his knee, and give it a soft squeeze. "What you are doing matters to your kids. You're making an effort-that matters." He looked back towards her after a moment, and gave her a small shrug. "That's where you're wrong," he said sadly.

"No, I don't think I am. I appreciate what you are doing to try and fix things with your family. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. You haven't just shown up out of the blue, and expected our kids to greet you with open arms, and turn around and run back to Vegas as soon as things get complicated. You're trying. You're doing whatever you can. You're _here_."

He wasn't sure what to say, so he said nothing, preferring to continue studying his shoes as he felt her gaze looking him up and down."

"That's why I went with you to the recital. That's why I stayed."

"What do you mean?" He looked up at her words, confused again, and embarrassed as she brought up that night. He had come clean about his real reason for inviting her to the recital during dinner; had watched as the happy glow she had worn on her face since he picked her up from her condo had slowly dissolved to the impassive expression she so often adopted at work. When she had excused herself to go to the ladies room after he had finished his multiple apologies, he more than expected not to see her again that evening. He had still been trying to figure out what to tell his family and how to possibly mend things with her when she had slipped back into her seat across from him at the table, lips pursed and expression solemn.

_"I'm coming with you tonight because I know how much it means to you to spend time with your family. And how much it means for your kids to spend time with you. No other reason."_

He winced, remembering her words, and how uncomfortable the rest of the dinner had been. True to her word, she'd stayed with him, acting as the buffer he'd so hoped she'd be between him and his family, engaging with his new grandchildren and thoroughly enchanting his daughter and even his ex-wife. She was a natural in the social situations that made him the most uncomfortable, and had gamely played her part that night, despite all the reasons she had to simply expose his lie and exact her revenge at his behavior.

"I'm sorry about that, Sharon. I never should have let my family believe that we…" he trailed off, gesturing between them. "And I told them. The next day, I talked to Nicole and told her the truth. And she told my ex, and, well… you can imagine how well that went." He was ready for this conversation to be over, and he braced himself for her next lecture. To his surprise, she leaned back in the chair, and let out a soft sigh.

"I was angry with you for using me, Andy. That I won't deny. But I also appreciate why you did it, and in the end, that was more important."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Really." She sat back up, and adopted her sternest look. "But if you ever do anything like that to me again, you'll be doing all the overtime for this entire squad yourself, you understand?"

He grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

She nodded. "Good." She picked up the blue file again, and flipped through the pages. "Jack has had 25 years to make an effort. He never has. And I've realized that sometimes you don't know that you want something to change, until it already has. My life has changed. And I like it. Jack isn't part of that, and it's time to let him go." She tossed the file across the desk, and watched as it landed haphazardly on the far corner.

"Can I say congratulations?" He asked, and stood up from his chair before holding a hand out to her.

She glanced at the file once more, then back to him, taking a long look at his outstretched hand before accepting it as she stood. "Yes, I believe you can."

He winked at her. "Good. Because it's late, and I say we all worry about the paperwork tomorrow, and head down to Malone's for a celebration."

She paled and shook her head. "Andy, I'm not ready to tell the others about this yet. The papers just came in today, and I haven't told Rusty or my other children, and I-"

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell the squad about the divorce."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Then what are we celebrating?"

He shrugged. "We celebrate putting that dirtbag away for life. We celebrate getting through another case. We celebrate another day that you and the kid are safe from that idiot. We can celebrate anything we want."

She knew they had hours of paperwork left. She knew they could be called to a new murder any moment, and then they'd be doubly slammed. She knew that she'd probably get harassed by Taylor tomorrow for her squad not finishing their case tonight.

She decided she didn't care.

"We will finish our preliminary reports-" She watched as the hopeful expression on his face drooped –"then we will all go to Malone's to celebrate." She patted him on the arm as his eyes lit up. "Go tell the others to hurry up. And please tell Rusty that he can stop texting me how hungry he is and that food is on the horizon. Even though I'd hardly call the slop they serve at Malone's dinner."

Andy grinned. "Will do, Captain." He stepped towards the door, and had his hand on the knob before he stopped once more. "Though, given the way things worked out the last time, I probably owe you another dinner. You know, with real food." Without waiting for her to answer he turned back towards the door, and stepped through.

She watched as he walked towards the center of the murder room, letting everyone know about the plans for the night. She smiled and turned back to the paperwork on her desk, speaking quietly to herself.

"I'll be sure to hold you to that, lieutenant."


End file.
